So I woke up and whizzed – my normal morning ritual. But today was different. Today my pee was phosphorescent yellow. I’m not talking about ‘bright yellow’ or ‘really yellow’. I’m talking about so bright that I thought someone had dropped a glow stick in the bowl or that a nearby nuclear reactor had managed to send it it’s waste…
Category: Humour
Special Cafe People – Part 1
Well, at long last it is time to feature the customers that truly make you wonder whether their parents were asleep at the wheel, or, sadly, whether you yourself are off your rockers. Some of these are your regular customers and you are afraid to ask them directly or the topic is awkward. Others are one-off wack-nuts that come in…
Top Ten Ways to Get Rid of Customers at Closing Time
Everyone who has worked in a cafe for the closing shift knows about one thing all too well – the customers who just don’t seem to understand that you don’t want to stand there and watch them chat after closing. They are usually very well-meaning people but they just don’t ‘get it’. Maybe they haven’t worked in a food and…
Bangus Spanish Style
I’m trying to grow up. Really, I am. The problem is that I keep running into things that make my inner 12 year old laugh. Thanks to a Spanish company, I’ve immatured again. This blog is only really funny if you are Korean or if you have studied Korean a bit. It also may qualify as funny if you are…
$5.81
Do you like the title of this post? I want that number to be burned in your memory. It’s very important. Yesterday a customer came into my cafe and, for some odd reason, had in his possession an invoice of monies owed to the CRA. The CRA, for those of you who don’t know what it is, is the Canadian…
Does an Espresso Bean Cure All Stomach Ailments? – Another Human Experiment
Originally posted at www.blenzseymour.com, Mon, 02/28/2011 – 12:31 ———————– So, there I am. Standing. But I wish I was sitting…because I have a certain common bowel-related ailment going on. But that’s more than you need to know. Let’s just call it a ‘stomach ailment’. For a few hours I endured the usual challenges associated with this ailment but on hour…
Patchouli Oil – The Easy Way to Lose Friends and Kill People
Originally posted at www.blenzseymour.com, Thu, 03/03/2011 – 20:20 —————————————- It started with a gagging feeling in the back of my throat. You know – the one you get if you stick your finger far enough back. Usually it causes a kind of automatic ‘wwwweck!’ sound, but I digress. Then, a kind of dry-eye feeling (if that’s a feeling) arose. Sounds…
Why the Hockey Hype? Understanding the Minds of Fans
Originally posted at www.blenzseymour.com, Thu, 04/14/2011 – 08:51 ——————- It’s 7:45pm. It’s a rare evening because I’m not at the shop so I’m sitting at my dining room table. My daughter has just been put to bed. Life is good. Life is relaxing. Then, from what must have been the depths of the earth, male voices like what I imagined a…
How to Win Friends, Influence People, and Perfectly Predict NHL Playoff Games
originally posted at www.blenzseymour.com, Wed, 04/27/2011 – 13:35 —————————– I won’t deny that the first two items in the title were designed to get you to read my article. I actually have no idea how to win friends or influence people but you could try money as a starter. No – what I’m writing about today is how to predict…
Why the Crapital Letters?
So there I am typing an email to someone who sits somewhere between a friend, an acquaintance and a business partner. I had begun the email typing very quickly, not even taking the time to hit the shift key to capitalize his name. At the end of the email, as is customary, I nailed the shift key and typed my…