Originally posted at www.blenzseymour.com, Mon, 02/28/2011 – 12:31
So, there I am. Standing. But I wish I was sitting…because I have a certain common bowel-related ailment going on. But that’s more than you need to know. Let’s just call it a ‘stomach ailment’.
For a few hours I endured the usual challenges associated with this ailment but on hour three I recalled an eastern European-sounding man who came into my shop to create the following dialogue:
Man: I want coffee bean.
Me: Ok… Would you like 200 or 400 grams?
Man: No. I just want coffee bean.
Me: Well… we sell beans in either 200 or 400 gram quantities.
Man: How much does cost 1 bean?
Me: ONE bean?? WTF, MOFO! (ok, I didn’t actually say that but I thought it.) Sir, we don’t sell individual beans…but, why do you want just one bean?
Man: It fixes stomach.
Me: OH! Sounds good. Here you go…
But I always wondered if the bean thing actually fixes stomach ailments. I was just waiting for such a day as today.
Update 1: 11:15 – I have eaten, raw, two individual espresso beans.
Update 2: 11:45 – I have to admit it: I’m not thinking about my stomach much and my ‘general energy’ is up. Was it because I haven’t had a coffee yet? Is there a placebo effect kicking in?
Update 3: the next day – Some have inquired about the final results. I must say that I am uncertain as to whether the fact I felt reasonably better a few hours later was because of the beans or not, but I did feel better. One customer thinks it was the placebo effect. I maintain that expresso beans cure all stomach ailments because here I am. Cured.
I invite anyone in our catchment area to sign up for this experiment. I will administer one bean to you as necessary and until you are healed. We will publish the results and you’ll be famous for sure.